To a native English speaker, whether they are from the United Kingdom, Australia or the United States, negative remarks about one’s physical appearance are taken as an insult than can trigger hurt feelings or anger.

Manners and etiquette are an important part of any social situation. But when cultural differences get in the way, a casual chat can quickly turn uncomfortable – all because of one seemingly innocent comment that is actually considered offensive or inappropriate in a different part of the world.

Asking someone’s age, for example, may be seen as a normal part of a conversation in Indonesia, but to a native speaker of English, it’s an insensitive question that makes the person who asked it seem rude.

Here are four similarly delicate topics to avoid when conversing in English:

Physical Appearance

In Indonesia, of the most common comments we hear from people we haven’t seen for a long time relates to how we currently look, usually through an exclamation pointing out that, “Wow, you’ve gained weight!” However, to a native English speaker, whether they are from the United Kingdom, Australia or the United States, negative remarks about one’s physical appearance are taken as an insult than can trigger hurt feelings or anger. So, to be on the safe side, stay clear of talking about someone’s physical appearance.

Marriage & Children

Family is a very important part of the Indonesian community and many questions revolve around this topic. However, asking someone why he or she isn’t married yet or why a couple doesn’t have children would be crossing the line between showing polite curiosity and openly prying. While the former is a natural part of a conversation in Western culture, the latter is considered ill-mannered and intrusive.

To show empathy, simply say that you are “sorry to hear that,” or “sorry for your loss,” then carefully gauge whether he or she is ready to offer further information.

Religion

This is a very sensitive matter for many native English speakers as it is deeply personal and not generally discussed with casual acquaintances. To them, talking about religion is like navigating a field full of landmines – if you take one wrong step, things can go horribly wrong. Therefore, while it may be natural for you to ask a friend or relative whether he or she has prayed today, it can quickly sour your conversation with an English speaker. Instead, stick to very general questions, such as, “Did you have a good Idul Fitri?” or “How was your Christmas holiday?” 

Tragedy

When a death or serious illness strikes, it’s only natural for people to show concern. However, don’t let your concern turn into curiosity by asking about details surrounding the tragedy as it can bring up painful memories. To show empathy, simply say that you are “sorry to hear that,” or “sorry for your loss,” then carefully gauge whether he or she is ready to offer further information. 

Remember, certain topics that are perfectly acceptable in your culture, may seem rude or insensitive in another. Try to keep the above suggestions in mind to maintain a smooth and friendly conversation!